Travel Desperations

Do you know what is a terrible thing to deal with? Dreaming of traveling to so many different places but being terrified to go. Yes, I could simply blame money; yet money can only stop you for so long. When you rarely travel then EVERYTHING about it is terrifying. It has always been one of the scariest things for me. Still… I never understand why I was so nervous. It is rare that I don’t have a good time. It really baffles me that this is still a problem for me.

The fact that I was taken on many vacations as a kid. I was lucky enough to go to Disney, multiple times, with summer trips to Ocean City. These might not be big trips to some people but to me, they were grand adventures. Later in life, I’ve flown solo to other states. Took a trip by car to Toronto simply for the chance to play Halo competitively. My latest trip being a cross-country trip back from Denver, Co, after flying out one way. Making sure to stop in Austin, TX to visit family. I think the fact that most trips were with friends or family at my side that it was easier. Didn’t make me any less nervous before the trips, though. It’s not like I haven’t traveled so why does it affect me so much now? Out of all the stressful, anxiety creating situations, I’ve been through and this makes think twice…

Maybe the problem revolves around the personal thoughts regarding my luck. I won’t lie, I’m really pessimistic about most things. Maybe it’s really that easy of a fix. Just have to stop┬áthinking that every moment in my life will be terrible. Seriously, I never mean to have multiple horrible things happen to me over and over. OH WELL! Life goes on and things could be worse. Yes, I have cancer but I could also be homeless or completely alone. These situations are enough, however, to make me second guess anything that possibly seems happy. Is there an action I can take to conquer this fear?

There really is only a single thing I can do. All I have to do is… do it. I have to just get a ticket and go somewhere. I already know where I’ll start this process with too. I’m going back to Austin, TX and yea it will be scary but I’ll have a good time, I know it. Having friends you consider family there makes it much easier. More trips will take complete care of my anxiety. They have to or my life will stay stale which will drive me insane. I’m desperate to see more than central PA more often. Even if it isn’t a new place, so to speak, it will be enough if it’s a different climate, social environments, and scenery. Plus I’m a firm believer that the more you travel the better your writing becomes. Experiences more directly translate to more experiences and emotions to pour into my stories, poems and journal thoughts.

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