From Out of Nowhere

roots

This excitement over another soul that seems to quite literally come from the very mists of fantasy. What has come over me? This crashing wave of affection that threatens to overwhelm me. Even as I gasp for air it’s a thrilling experience. Every new bit of knowledge about her a fresh breath of life. The savoring taste that fills my lungs, these little bits of trust being given to me in small bites. Trust that I want to cherish and protect with such care that I don’t understand this instinct’s origin or reason. Emotions that want to race ahead which constantly need to be reeled into check. My patience making it clear, I want to step lightly and do this right. Watch and feel trust growing steadily and ever more. Deep roots that provide a fulfilling and nurturing atmosphere for both involved. That’s the goal of all growth, deep roots. Never rushing it as this means surface roots. Shallow roots that lead to a quick death at the first harsh wind of trouble.

The puzzle of determining the levels of honesty, the parts of yourself desperate for compassion that they’ll paint whatever picture your mind and heart desire. Beyond these pictures, however, are true constants. Certain things that I truly know I want beyond anything else in this emotional play. Friendship. Trust. Levels of which I don’t think I’ve delved into in my life from the walls I built up to surround my heart with. Only one thing keeps breaking into these exchanges and my thoughts.

My ever present and gnawing presence of fear. Fear of getting too deep, becoming vulnerable again with someone that might not truly be interested. The fear of empty words that are simply said for personal entertainment. Nobody wants to feel used and I’ve had my fair share of that bit of emotional torture. However, as I go about this I cannot let my fear push me from what might be happiness I haven’t felt in years or possibly, ever.

You can never let yourself be too scared to realize the universe is giving you chances of happiness from out of nowhere.

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